Monday, September 14, 2015

My Heart Isn't Ready

In my heart, my twins will always be these little imps.  Sitting on a log in the woods, enjoying an adventure with me.

This photo proves what a lie that is.  No longer little, no longer with chubby cheeks.  They talk about college applications at the breakfast table and take turns running around in their little car.

The process of leaving has begun, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  It is the way of all creatures, but nothing that can be said or explained to me will make it any easier.  It was hard enough packing off their older sister last year.  I can already feel the sting of the empty nest to come. 

I am already worried about the logistics of dropping off two kids at college.  What if they need to go at the same time?  How do parents of twins do this?  And more importantly, how does the heart survive the loss?

So right now, with the time that is left, I savor every moment.  Every conversation.  Every time I have to tell somebody to pick up socks.  I wish I could make it all slow down.

All I can do is remind myself of the amazing people they are about to become.  How I will be a spectator in their wonderful lives.

And if I'm really lucky, we might just have a few more wonderful adventures together.


1 people stopped folding laundry to write:

Rosemary said...

It is a very difficult time in our lives. My first two children are two years apart in age then there's a big gap before my third child made his appearance. We moved to the farm when my oldest two were at university and working so we had to leave them behind in rented accommodation. I cried for the entire four hour trip to the farm when I left them behind. My first few years here felt like I had a whole in my heart. I'd cry whenever I finished a phone call with one of them and missed them dreadfully. My youngest moved out bit by bit and this was much easier as I didn't realise he was going until he was gone. He still lives only half an hour away so we see a lot more of Justin than his sister and brother. 19 years later I still miss them dreadfully and my grandchildren who live so far away with their parents, but I adapted and enjoy every moment I have with them when I do see them. We have lots of phone calls with laughter and exchanges of news which is always wonderful.

I hope you and your children settle in quickly and painlessly to your new way of life and you continue to share all their wonderful accomplishments.

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